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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been constantly caught off guard by people. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away at that point, since they had been only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few of her friends vanished without her being sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we have each left the workforce so we're spending each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. My effort is to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a holiday to a nation I've visited many times even called home for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought validation of her plans. I recently come back from 30 days in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she can comprehend the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with a view to a solution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no dispute here. Emotions are valid, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they cannot release because their very survival is tied to it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route here, mere obstacles. But she may start out defensively and then think about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.